The two main irritants in my garden are snails and weeds. The weeds never seem to get the message that they are not welcome. I’m sure I’m not the first gardener to wonder why snails, who are so keen on strawberries, tomatoes, busy lizzies and sweet peas, are so fussy when it comes to eating the weeds. Surely they could bring themselves to do me a favour and munch through a few of them?
I know the most practical strategy is to try and discourage the snails from the flower bed, using beer or coffee grounds or whatever. But I can’t help wondering if the snails could be trained or bred to prefer the weeds to the flowers?
Whilst crawling round the gravel on my hands and knees pulling up weeds this morning I was pondering how you could achieve this – I think the best plan might be to use Clockwork Orange style conditioning – all it would take is a few miniature snail cinemas at strategic points of the garden, showing a looped film of terrible things happening to snails who eat flowers and lovely things happening to snails who eat weeds.
Given a few weeks for the cinema-going habit to take hold amongst the snail and slug brethren, I can’t see how it could possibly fail.